2.1.d.  Soapless Below, animal psychologist: “There are strange tensions tearing the Rhinocerii asunder. It seems beyond my powers of feral empathy, and I have been sleeping in their feces for weeks. Let us observe.”

2.1.e.  Irate Rhinocerous Father in a monochrome plaid vest: “NO SON OF MINE WEARS FLORAL PATTERNS!!!”

2.1.f.  Defiant Rhinocerous Son in a floral-print vest: “I REFUSE TO BE SMOTHERED BY YOUR PRECONCEPTIONS OF GENDER!”

2.1.g.  Rhino Father: “YOU NO FANCY TALK ME!”

2.1.h.  Rhino Father, separate card: “My father wore DOUR GREYSCALE VESTS, his father wore DOUR GREYSCALE VESTS, and as long as you’re under my roof YOU WILL WEAR DOUR GREYSCALE VESTS!”

2.1.i.  Rhino Son: “NEVER!”

2.1.j.  Soapless: “You see? An intractable dilemma! The father cannot accept the son’s vestual preference. He must somehow come to understand that his son is transvestual on the inside.”

2.1.k.  Eddy Fennel, assistant zookeeper:“Yep,a stumper. Hey, I got an idea! How about dressing every member of the family in new floral-print vests from the Zoo Fashion Store?” 

This Quest was written for a tween-focused virtual world called "Planet Cazmo." This was a fun and cartoony world, where all the NPCs were human-sized talking animals. The premise was that some moderators had been abducted by aliens, and you had to save them. My task was to create a wacky, zany, coo-coo, quest that required you save the mods by a certain date. The final product very well-received and popular with the users (sadly, since then Planet Cazmo has gone to a farm somewhere where it can run and play with all the other tween-focused virtual worlds). 

Click the button below to view the full quest document:

And this is an excerpt from a sub-quest called "Trans-ocerous".


Rescue the Mods! 

And this excerpt comes from a sub-quest where you have to find out which NPCs are in a secret group called the Funky Five.

Game Design:

Underdog Zoo

Underdog Zoo was conceived as a humorous freemium game about zookeeping. This is an introduction / tutorial quest called "Okapi Wall Street". The quest's premise is that the zoo is rioting because all the resources have been allocated to the 1%-by-body-mass.

Click the button below to view the full quest document:

Jesse WONDER Clark

NPCs tell you if they are in the Funky Five or not.

  • The NPCs behave as normal, but you have a new dialogue option added every time you talk:
    • I'm looking for the Funky Five!

  • These are the NPC responses when you ask about the Funky Five:
    • Mayor Owl says:
      • As Mayor, I know everything about them, of course!
      • Everything except their purpose, function, and identity!
    • Sharkie the Fin says:
      • There is no Funky Five! It's a myth, like tasty lettuce!
    • Rusty, the gorilla outside the Garage, says:
      • Shhh, someone could hear! Yeah, I'm in the Funky Five.
      • My code name is "The Funkinator."
    • Smudgy, the gorilla inside the Garage, says:
      • Are you talking about that stuff my brother goes on about? Huh.
      • I thought he was making up imaginary friends. Again.
    • ▪ Backstage Newt, the lizard at the Theater, says:
      • Can't help you. Can't help you. Can't help you.
      • Oh, you wore me down! Yeah, I'm in the Five.
      • Code name's "Funkonaut."
    • ▪ Bouncing Bill, the bull outside the club, says:
      • I heard of them. Played here a while ago. No, wait.
      • That was "The Quinky Quintuplets." Different band.
    • ▪ Top Shelf, the bartending giraffe, says:
      • You found me out, sleuth!
      • I've been with the Five since aught-three.
      • Call me "Der Funkenshnitzel."
    • ▪ DJ 4 by 4, the leet-speaking DJ at the club, says:
      • ▪ OH y34H! phuNkY Ph1V3! PhuNKy Ph1V3!
      • phuNKy ph1V3! ... 50RRY, 1 GO7 nO 1NfO,
      • 1 jus7 l1K3 73H SOUnD OF 17!
      • [translation: Oh yeah! Funky five! Funky Five! Funky Five! ...sorry, I got no info, I just like the sound of it!]